


Now That You’re Gone

by andysrick



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Child Death, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2019-04-01 05:41:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13991664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andysrick/pseuds/andysrick
Summary: Rick and Michonne are broken after the loss of Carl. The sorrow and despair has invaded their thoughts and consumed their hearts, yet they struggle to persevere against the cruel world that ripped their son from their arms.





	Now That You’re Gone

**Author's Note:**

> This pretty much covers the time from the end of 8x09 to the beginning of 8x10. It’s pretty much just me venting because I’ll never get over Carl’s death. It’s my first time ever sharing anything I’ve written, so fingers crossed it doesn’t disappoint. Thanks for checking this out!

This was a pain, unlike any other that Rick Grimes had encountered in his life. Waves of crushing, consuming pain that threatened to drag him into its depths. He wouldn’t mind if that exact thing happened because right now his world was gone. He failed himself, Lori, his family, and most importantly Carl. His boy deserved the life that Rick had been pursuing since the beginning of this nightmare. He just wanted his son to live a long, happy life, even though this was considerably impacted by the threat of the undead. Alexandria had given Rick hope for his son and their future, and now it, along with Carl, was gone. 

The sound of that horrifying gunshot penetrated Rick’s soul, as he let out an animalistic wail. That was his son in that church. Not another walker or one of the Saviors, but his only son. The boy who had slept in his bed because he was scared after watching his first horror movie  
. The boy who called out to him in the middle of the night because he couldn’t sleep. The boy who was so proud to show his friends his dad’s hat and badge when Rick came in for the Father’s Day party at his school. His boy was gone, and there was nothing he could do to ever see his radiant smile or feel his arms wrapped around him again. Nothing. 

It took Rick two tries to attempt to enter the church to pick up Carl for the last time. In his first attempt, Rick had barely made it through the door before he collapsed and burst into a fresh round of tears. He clung to Michonne’s arm as if it was the only thing preventing him from being pulled into the rip current of his own sorrow. His knees had given out when he saw his little boy so ruined by the world. He had done everything to keep him safe, and it just wasn’t enough. 

Rick mental repetition that he could not abandon his son in that church which was the only thing that forced him to his feet once more. He wasn’t enough for his son while he was alive, but Rick Grimes would not let his son down in his death. He now he had to confront the harsh reality of that brutal weapon held against what remained of his son’s soft features. Rick delicately removed the gun from Carl’s hand. This care was shockingly similar to that with which Rick used to remove the bottle from the hands of his sleeping baby boy. He proceeded to lift Carl’s body, as he had done so many times before. However, this time his body failed him when he attempted to walk to the door. He collapsed once more with Carl in his arms and sobbed, as he stroked the hair of his son.

Once again it was Michonne who pulled Rick back to reality, and she helped him carry Carl’s body Alexandria’s cemetery. Michonne left with the promise to return as fast as she could, and she gently kissed Rick’s forehead. As she turned her back and began her search for a sheet to cover Carl’s body, Michonne finally allowed herself to break down. She stifled her sobs until she reached the first house that was still standing. When she found the bright white sheet in one of the closets, Michonne screamed into it. Carl had saved her. He had brought her back from the brink of ruin and had restored her humanity. He was everything that she would have wanted Andre to have been. Now Carl was gone, and she couldn’t imagine a future where she did not see his simile as they teased each other at breakfast or where she was unable to embrace him when he was confronted with nightmares that plagued his young mind.

Michonne did not even attempt to wipe the tears from her eyes, as she returned to Rick and Carl. Upon Michonne’s return, Rick was found staring blankly at the remains of Alexandria as he held Carl’s hand. He desperately hoped that Carl would squeeze his hand just as he had done the last time Rick thought he had lost him. Despite his hope, Rick knew that Carl was gone forever, and no amount of pleading with the world would bring him back. Carl would never get to see the new world that Rick so greatly desired to show him. 

Michonne’s hand on his shoulder returned him to the world, and he helped her slowly lower the sheet over Carl’s body. They then retrieved two shovels that had been resting against the nearby wall of Alexandria, and they began to dig. Most of this was accomplished in silence, as neither one of them could quite put into words how they felt. This was a level of emptiness that consumed them and left them numb to the world. The one thing that could be felt was the dull aching of their muscles, as they continued the deliberate process of digging the grave. They both knew what needed to happen upon the completion of the grave. Michonne kissed Carl’s forehead, and Rick held his son in his arms one last time, as he gently kissed him, stroked his head and apologized for failing him. Rick summoned all of the reserves of strength that remained in his aching body, and he slowly lowered his son into his grave.

Rick had dug innumerable amounts of graves since the beginning of this nightmare, and he bore the weight of every shovel full of dirt that he had placed over the remains of those he loved. It had weighed him down since the very beginning, but the presence of his remaining family enabled him to claw his way free. With the deaths of Glenn, Abraham, and Sasha, Rick grew to depend even more on his children to give him a reason to wake up every day. Now with Carl gone, all of the dirt and rocks that he had fought against while burying others had overwhelmed him. It filled his nose and covered his eyes, and Rick was not sure if he would be able to make it to the surface this time.

When the final shovels of dirt covered Carl, Rick looked at Michonne with tears in his eyes and thanked her. He could not manage to say anything else, but she recognized what he meant to convey with those two simple words. It was a thank you for staying with him for this long and for preventing him from slipping away and for giving his son the type love and friendship that Rick could not. It was a thank you for being in Carl’s life and for having the impact that she did. With this, they proceeded to find two sticks that could be tied together to form the cross that would forever designate the life of Carl Grimes. The boy who deserved so much more than the life he received and who had saved the lives of countless people. The boy who quickly became an extraordinary young man and who had died in an attempt to maintain the humanity of a broken world. The boy who deserved to grow old yet was taken so cruelly from his family and the world.


End file.
